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The Larger Thing.

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May. 8th, 2007 | 10:11 am

Am i tired,
Or just empty?
So far disconnected from that which i call home that i can barely hear the words whispered within the wind, anymore.
My problems don't seem to be THE problem,
But symptoms of the larger thing.

The unnameable, daunting and dangerous, probably deadly
Larger thing.

Are there solutions to problems you can't see?
Are there answers
When you don't know what questions to ask?

And the truth is,
i don't think i really want the surfacey stuff i think i do,
Things like vision, a dream, passion.
Those, i don't think are the goal.
Because my heart, i fear, is pumping its last,
And i need more life breathed into it than that brought by a simple goal or achievement.

i'm sitting here in a chair i've sat in for more than a year.
At a place i've come to regularly for more than a year.
And i'm not sure i care to be here for much longer,
But to be honest i wouldn't know where to go.

i pray myself to sleep at night,
Wishing the answers would bubble up in a dream,
Where it seems i feel the most.

And you can blame the lack of vision, the instability, the porn, the discontentment, the fear
On the lack of vision, the instability, the porn, the discontentment, or the fear, if you want,
But my problems aren't THE problem, i think,
But symptoms of the larger thing.

The unnameable, daunting and dangerous, probably deadly
Larger thing.

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Comments {3}

but, we're all afraid.

from: thedecomposer
date: May. 8th, 2007 08:16 pm (UTC)
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most problems, both personal and culturally, are deeply systemic and deeply rooted beneath the surface.

it's not sex, man.
sex is neither the problem or the solution.
it can be a beautiful or exploited medium, just like any facet of life.
just one of many pleasurable ways to pass the time.

lack vision?
try shrooming.
i promise it won't kill you.
i promise god won't damn you to hell for putting yourself in a submissive and receptive spiritual mode. you'll see firsthand that all living things are, in fact, connected. in other cultures' religions hallucinogens are the key spiritual aspect to piecing together one's dreams and where one belongs in this ever-waking dream state we call life.

not for you?

write a hopeful poem.
(you have a gift for seething emotion through word).

practice that whirly the fates graced you with
(when you're playing minimalistically,
you're one of the greatest pianists i know).

beat box
(it always made your depressed room mate happy).

help your ocd room mate clean up and organize
(it always made your crazy room mate happy).

give your lady the night off and come drinking with your mates and all the other shit i tried to push for when we lived together which never densitized (which is why i'm walkin' on).

prolly not exactly what you want to hear,
but i've never been good at telling people what they want to hear.

all i have left to give is truth and breath.

praise god in whatever form and medium god exists.

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Squink.

Re: but, we're all afraid.

from: iamsquink
date: May. 8th, 2007 09:52 pm (UTC)
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Thanks, Ecks. i really appreciate this response.

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Shae Sveniker

hey, i know we don't hang out much...

from: shaesinister
date: May. 21st, 2007 11:23 pm (UTC)
Link

...but i think i know what you feel. consider this: sometimes, you may feel as though you're empty, as though there is no life in you, but you're one of the most alive people i know, because you feel things deeper than most people do, and knowing such staggering hieghts of emotion means that the relatively uneventful times seem stagnant and flat. sometimes, i feel more empty than anyone, but i feel as though it is those times that make me feel the most alive.

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